you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
