So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
