Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Randomize
