pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
