Please, let me fuck your mom
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
The beer is more important than you right now.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
