i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
i now understand why vodka
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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