Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
