So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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