he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Randomize
