It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
