i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
