my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
a search helicopter?!
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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