I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize