What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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