u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize