No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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