i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I skipped work to stalk him.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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