Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
