So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Dicks are not precious.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
