is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
