I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize