either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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