I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Randomize
