He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Randomize
