I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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