Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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