I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize