some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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