My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Your cock deserves a montage
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize