I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
