i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
