He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
