I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
