I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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