OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize