she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Randomize