I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
