It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
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