My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
