If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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