I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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