I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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