His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
