The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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