I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
