I wannas sexs uuuuu
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
He keeps bees of course he's weird
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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