I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Barsexuality is the new black.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize