Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
