even the AIR tastes like tequila.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
