like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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