That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
