in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Everything about him screamed your future.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
