hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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