my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
