Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Randomize
