i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
