You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
