epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
