I faked an abortion last night.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
