my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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