I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
