too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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