literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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