Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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