She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
