can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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