She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
if i can run in heels then i can drive
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
pop tarts are not kleenex
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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