I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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