she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
