you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
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