Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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