i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
