when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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