I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize
