Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize