I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
