i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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