I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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