This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
