mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Randomize
