96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
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