Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Randomize
