I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize