i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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