She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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