Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
